The unspoken celebration

The third weekend of June. For many, it's about the celebration of father's Day. Here I am lying on my bed thinking. Should I wish or should I be staying quiet. I think sometimes not doing anything can be a good response.

It's kind of odd the surrounding at home. The close family members knew it. We knew it. My father is ill. As time passes on, I am kinda worried, and a little bit of feeling sorry. There's nothing much to celebrate about.

Part of growing up teaches me that situation like needs to be faced with equanimity. In all the turbulence happening, one needs to stay calm. Being emotional doesn't really help. Yea, I got that part done right. I ask a friend, is there something I could have done more. Probably but the question is what. My mum did not say much either. She said we just make do with what we can. It's not a bad life, just a disease that comes unexpectedly. Surprisingly calm with a mild tone of sadness. 

I wish he has less suffering and persevere through the challenging time. If believing to a religion helps, I hope he can practise it more. Not to end the suffering, but to end ones suffering of living. If my understanding is right, one should not yearn, one should not be afraid and one should not avoid. One just lives, collecting merits along the way. 

May all beings stay happy, peaceful and healthy always. Bhavatu Sabba Mangalam. 

vipassana

 this post marks after an overdue post. many events and incidents have happened. there is a strong compelled feeling to pen down what i have in mind. i will say life changing events mostly

first i have settled into my own home for about 2 years already. few friends complimented it is an achievement. to me, neutral. i do not feel having a house of your own is a moment to be proud of. i am just glad that i have a comfortable place to live in. nice neighbourhood with plenty of nearby places to eat. it is also convenient to jog around here. a small residence that i am happy of. fortunately, this residence makes my family happier. finally i am settled after so many years of renting. 

back to the topic of the post. i am no longer covid virgin per what my friend claimed us to be. left her to be covid virgin. LOLs. i am still thinking how did i contract it ie, Saturday badminton group, friend lunch, friend dinner, friend house warming? it's alright. life moves on. as of this moment, today is my fifth day of having covid. the test kit is still showing a blurry second line. had a few bad moments of leaving my team behind at work. I just started my new work on 17th October. it is back to the beginning company E, where it all begins. life is an interesting story. you never know where it brings you. one thing for sure, i am embracing it with equanimity.

speaking of equanimity, i have attended a ten day meditation course called vipassana. when i heard from few friends about this course, it is just an inquisitive search for calmness. honest thought. no harm learning a tool which calm myself. few friends hid the facts of the strict and disciplinary nature of the course. i just follow through it till the end without any doubt. surprisingly i caught on pretty well on the techniques taught. can be a fact that i was employed during that period helps. this is a fated journey. i have no intention to join meditation course this year as i just changed to another A bank job. after 5 months of continuous challenging and unsupportive nature, i decided to call it an end. while waiting for the new job to start, this course becomes available. blessing in disguise. this course teaches one to observe one breathing, be mindful of one's speech, thought, action, to perform charity and act kindly. without observing the moral conduct, the journey of vipassana will be not fruitful. as one enters the sankhara mode, the objective is to remove the craving and aversion that one loves and hates. i manage to see a few lifetimes being:

a hunter with a GR dog in snow setting with wolves

a military captain with many murder encounters, sexy ladies in qipao, punishment memory, running away from enemy

an ancient chinese setting whereby i was recued and helped by an old friend. both of us were jailed and promised to meet each other in the next life via a Chinese name character. this is the oddest of them all. the most goosebump moment is one of my best friends has this chinese name character. yours truly does not read Mandarin character. 

an English man with polygamy nature in train, in old mansion and butler setting. it is so surreal as i was always moving. the fond of old train is probably stemmed from this life. the area of sexual encounter is totally wild that i think it is better to cut off in this life via vipassana practice. 

i chose not to reveal as much to vipassana brothers alike as i am afraid they might feel left behind. my main objective is to cleanse the previous sankhara and avoid generating new one. hopefully everyone will have strong adhithana in practising. may all beings be happy. 

Bhavatu Saaba Mangalam. 

practise what you preach

it is an interesting day. what turns to be a catch up with a good friend turns out to be the biggest teaching i will ever need. first, we realize we match in terms of personality. so the understanding is there.  and he is logic as 1+1=2 and no emotional and feeling should be involved in anything, no matter what. as conversation rolls on, it turns out he felt that he is stagnant at his current position. and he seem to be seeking advice from me.

i started asking what went wrong and how is handling it in terms of career and relationship. i think this is one of the best advice i have ever given. i tell him, be very logical and be you in your career. in relationship, be the opposite. don't be you. be the person who wants to make the relationship to work even though you apologize for things that you do not do wrong. there is no right and wrong in relationship. it is just a relationship that requires mutual understanding and compromise. be the bigger person. listen to me once.

he suddenly got enlightened. for all the things that have been his stumbling block suddenly becomes clear. good. i ask him, just do it. don't think.

blogger decides it's time to act, not to react. time to move on, not self degrade.

Discover your destiny

I am mindblown by how one book that I browsed upon weeks ago turns out to be a very fulfilling destiny discovery journey. This book presents itself in a manner where if one were to discover your true self, first you need to be aware and awakened.

For the writer doesn't believe in self improvement, it is more on "self remembering" of our true selves and knowing the true nature of laws. I am at awed. There is a seven steps of Awakening Stages that one has to go through. I do realise I myself am trap in what we name society norms. in our pursuit to be accepted, we lost our true selves. it is in everyone's goal to find back yourself. ask yourself. who am i? why am i doing? is this what will i do to be my happy, true self?

the destiny discovery journey begins. i am grateful that this has come to my life.

To the one guru that enlightens me. Knowledge knows no boundary when you have a book. =)

power of positive thinking

yesterday i had a quick chat with my side team member. i ask him, "when are you going to achieve your significant milestone in business?" he said soon because he found inspiration in people like me. i am dumbfounded to be honest. i did not expect such kind words will come out from this smart fella.

he told me one thing, we both know that we are smart but we are losing out in terms of income to people who do not even have diplomas. what does this put us? sore losers. that is why he want to go all out to prove himself. he also want to help his senior partner to achieve greater heights.

his kind words made my day and i feel like i can achieve anything under the sun. just like this. he did advice, succeeding alone doesn't mean a thing. succeeding together that is something. thank you very much. i shall remember these days.

the decision that has changed my life positively 180 degree

i am thankful each other i am inspired. blogger feeling that is his best day of 2017.