Discover your destiny

I am mindblown by how one book that I browsed upon weeks ago turns out to be a very fulfilling destiny discovery journey. This book presents itself in a manner where if one were to discover your true self, first you need to be aware and awakened.

For the writer doesn't believe in self improvement, it is more on "self remembering" of our true selves and knowing the true nature of laws. I am at awed. There is a seven steps of Awakening Stages that one has to go through. I do realise I myself am trap in what we name society norms. in our pursuit to be accepted, we lost our true selves. it is in everyone's goal to find back yourself. ask yourself. who am i? why am i doing? is this what will i do to be my happy, true self?

the destiny discovery journey begins. i am grateful that this has come to my life.

To the one guru that enlightens me. Knowledge knows no boundary when you have a book. =)

Let's do this

At this moment when i type, i feel i am in me again. i am my chatty self. my confident self. my true self. i feel all my senses are peaked. i don't know what the future holds. please let this post be a gentle reminder that there are always ups and downs in life. just like how things that go up, must come down. there are things that go up, can go even higher!

thanks to my effort to be the best version of me. i have comrades now. i wake up feeling like i am much surrounded by positivity and motivation.

let's do this. you and me. together.

the excitement in your heart

i have come to believe that for everything that i come across, there is no such thing as coincidence. i learn to accept that for every event/person/thing that i encounter, there is something i can learn from him/her/it.

for today (27 nov 2016). i have followed my true heart calling for the first time. at first, there is fear. really, i have said no so many times that i sometimes wonder what am i so afraid of. is it the fear of failure or the fear of myself attaining the dream that i ever wanted. yes. learn to conquer your fear. you need to stand above it. it is better to fail than regret. what have i got to lose. i have great support system and great family that i draw my strength from. 

i shall remember this very moment. they say just follow: copy and paste. do not copy, edit and paste. just do it. it is now or never. 

how are you today? i feel it is greatly fantastic. not because i have achieved success but because i finally have the courage to say, "yes, i want to try this"

if this serves as a tough lesson, so be it

knowing yourself is part of being a better you

after starting my new job as analyst in this mnc bank, i realised my interests and hobbies are quite different from others. up til my music choice. at first, i din really give it much thought. slowly i begin to realise this is part of me. haha... i am going to put up my interest and hobby one by one. til i know myself. i do know myself. just labelling it down might just give me a chance of reflection how can i better at the things that i do and like.

i) i like watching drama. loads of it. be it, k-drama, american series and hong kong drama. i believe i spent most of my uni years watching drama. do i feel a bit embarrassed about it? nope. happy as a bird. some might call it crazy on wasting my best years gluing myself in front of the computer screen. i would say, "it's much better gluing in front of the computer screen than doing nothing at all."

blogger listening to huang da wen.

26 is not just a number, it is an age of self discovery

as i reach 26 in age number, i feel there is a part of me whom wish to learn more about religion. people might ask why at such an odd time. to be exact, the desire to acquire knowledge in the spiritual regard has never been foreign to me. since i was in my teenage years, the thought of reason human exists, particularly myself, appeared. hence, my curiosity to know more about oneself; hence the journey to search for me began.

"to be a better self than yesterday" is my motto in life. if i believe that today i have lived better than yesterday, i will be contented. with this in mind, i decided to take on a year of religious classes. i still continue my usual life : work, social and family. yet, this two-hour weekly lesson is slowly makes me understand my purpose in life better. in addition, this journey is taken with a close of friend, whom i have known for more than ten years. 

it is revealing and enlightening

thank you very much to my friend (ms chong) who introduced this class to me. though i am a chinese banana mentally (classes conducted in 100% mandarin), the yearning to learn myself better hopefully can overcome it all. #language should not be a barrier to learning#

the place with tall concrete trees

i have just returned from the land where trees are made from concrete pillar structures and surrounded by living plants. what a way to describe this land. it is the land of the south where i stay currently. there is much to see, experience and think. 

for one, i love how system and forward thinking can brings this land to great heights. it is with these two qualities that i believe this place has prospered so much compared to my dear bolehland. from the mass rapid transit to residential housing, everything is so well planned that i feel out of place. to be frank, yours truly is not a systematic person when it comes to his daily life. i prefer the random. that's why there is a term for it. there is the cons of being random though. yet, you have no choice when it comes to preference. it is similar to why you like the colour red over yellow. as simple as that. 

for two, i fancy how i included two swimming sessions in two different places during my visit to this place. one: at the community pool. two: at the recently completed building sports arena. it is built to cater for 2015 asian games. i guess i have beaten the foreign atheletes to it by trying the new pool. my comments: clean, cold and refreshing. like it much.

for three, i did the non-touristy stuffs. i participated in the art crafting session at esplanade. i think it was meant for children but the inner child in me decided to participate along. i like to draw and create things. the idea is quite well incorporated too. in short, you have to cut the sponge to a certain shapes drawn, paste the cut sponge on wooden cube provided, colour the sponge with water colours and chop them on the piece of oil paper. result: a christmas tree with dragonflies overflying the tree with four little bears at the botttom plus lights overlooking the overall picture.i told my friend that is really the highlight of the day and they laughed. i like how the simple this little thing satisfies my inner interest which is drawing. i also did cycle. i cycled from bedok to changi airport (east coast park). really really like this when you can watched the plane flying above your head. the experience is just breathtaking. i literally stop breathing for a moment there. additionally, i just lied down at garden of the bay and beaches. my friend labelled me as a hobo. if that what makes a hobo. then i am hobo Seng then. i will get whatever label that is being thrown at me as long as it describes me well.

art crafting at esplanade

the beach appears empty on a weekend. 

blogger rhyming the "thinking out loud" by the soulful sheeran

the one and only, who sings chinese song like a korean

with the latest upload of the voice of china to youtube, i am overwhelmed with the talent uprising from this reality show. my mouth went =O and goosebumps were triggered. aha... she is the one, i think, who will be grabbing the champion title this year. one reason, she sings like a champion. her voice is so clear and soulful. keep it up. the one and only.

张碧晨

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmVQt2IrYgs

blogger listening to the song, "you are my destiny" with korean and chinese lyrics for the nth times.

the smile

do you know there is difference one person's smile to another person's smile? i, for one, know there is. how does one smile when (s)/he is happy? and how does one smile without any element of happiness?

i think i can feel it. one article it has got to do with the eyes. if you look carefully, one will squint the eyes when one is truly happy if not, normal eye size.

whether i take it from the size of the eye or from my heart, i am not sure. but for one, i usually know. if you don't feel like smiling, please don't. it's fake and i know it.

it is not about being polite or what. by putting up a fake smile, i think you are being insincere. something that is insincere carries no value to me that is; hence the redundancy.

well, living in the world where pictures are constantly taken all the time, there are more fake smiles that i wish to see. time to ponder again: do i always smile with my sincere heart? i wonder.

travel embedded with life learning experience

little did i know, this litle hanoi travel made me thought a lot while experiencing tonnes of memorable experience.

it was a random idea brought up by my friend, "eh, why don't we go to ho chi minh?" after searching and googling through the airasia website, i suggested, why not hanoi? there's a promotion going. then, it was decided. i will be going with my high school friends: pc, andrew and ivan in july. while the plane booking was made few months in advance, the tour planning was done at the last week before we departed. all hail to mr ivan for making the necessary booking of tour. we did engage with a tour guide for the planning.

the first stop is hanoi. upon reaching the city, we are quite taken back when the question of "are you from china?" pops up at the airport during the immigration checking section. two vietnamese guys from the back of the queue investigate my friends with where are we from, what are we doing here and checked that our watches do really reflect malaysian time. i perspired a bit there. next up, we were greeted by our tour guide, Van ( pronounced as va-nh).

the first ride to the hotel is hell. the four wheel vehicle is moving at 80km per hour on the highway and the driver kept honking. he made the soft honks. during the journey, it was found that the honk is meant for "watch out, i'm coming. please make way." because the motorbikers really take their own sweet time changing lanes. i have to take several deep breaths to calm myself down. part of purpose of going away from kl is to avoid the jam but little did i know hanoi traffic and honks made it to a whole different level.

later on, we reached the hotel. van decided to bring us around for dinner. we walked a bit and stopped at a no name street hawker. i was intrigued. where is tables and chairs. after some vietnamese chat exchanges, she told us they will bring the table and chairs out. oh okay. but where are we sitting? she said right here and we are standing in the middle of pedestrian walk. that's awesome. while i do eat street food in melaka, sitting in the middle of the pedestrian path tops it all and the motorbikes are just parked beside us. and the pho is nice with the rich pork soup taste. recommended but i have no idea how to recommend to you as there is no shop name.

eating like a boss on the pedestrian path

next day, we are schedule to visit halong bay, one of the main reasons we visit vietnam. to get there, we have to be ready at 730am for the tour guide to fetch us as we will travel a few hours by bus to reach the bay. i have no idea what does halong bay looks like due to time constraint for research. as we reach, the awe-inspiring view just took my breath away. all in all, it is a relaxing cruise. plus i get to attempt fishing in the middle of night under the glittering stars. my most favourite activity of the moment. after 20 min of no fruitful labour from fishing, i headed up to the deck and lay down and rest, overlooking at the moon and myriads of wishful stars. i feel calm and serene at that moment. lovely.

picture from the deck

halong bay view during the cave hike

the scene my friend resembled LOTR. too bad, yours truly did not watch LOTR, yet a mystical view

after the cruise for two days, we are heading to SAPA, the village area in the mountains. journey requires sleeping in the cabin train. another first experience. i manage to sleep soundly but waken up with a sore throat and knees. what is this? we are greeted by a friendly and cheerful tour guide, May. she speaks fluent english. we are up for 2 days hiking. on the first day, i was unwell, tired and my legs are sore. i did finish the climb down the mountain and for the up part, i took the motorbike. wheee. a good deal considering the headache is worsening.

sleeping in the cabin train for the first time. wheeee

on the second day, i was feeling better and decided to join the tour. we talked a lot with the tour guide. suddenly, i feel a bit sad. their lives are not easy. facts: she has to walk one hour just to meet us from her village. she has no free time. all her time is either cooking, bring tours, harvesting the crops, going to jungle (which takes 7 hours) for planting another crop or cutting woods in the jungle. despite all this, i admire her cheerfulness, positive outlook and perseverance. silently, i sent a mental note to myself, "if she can do these with all the hardships, i believe i can do better with my life too. all i need is a positive attitude and hardwork."

I can do this too if she can

later, a friend got upset when she noted another friend had different view on the lives of the natives. the other friend thought they have a good life because they are contented. i think he lacks empathy but i don't judge. empathy is not something you can teach, it is something you have to experience to have it. to me, you can't change the fact that they are in such a condition and they have no option, but i like my tour guide as she exudes cheerfulness, positive outlook and hardwork. i admire her as a fellow friend. she learn english solely from tourist and her english communicative level will put some malaysians to shame. this is what you get when hardwork is put in. we bought a small little gift for her. the thought of tipping her crossed our minds. however, she did say all her money earned from bring tours are given to her mum to help out with food and the basic necessities hence the small gift.

outside May's house

our tour guide, May

the natives

after sapa trip, it is time to go back to hanoi for some shopping and dining. one little thing that deserves mentioning is definitely coffee in vietnam. they are rich and have a fine chocolate smell in it.

the boutique coffee shop discovered randomly. they served us a cup of luwak coffee

ps: this travel really makes me learn widely, wonder wildly and experience excitedly. thank you.

thank you little vietnam for all this life lessons and many first times experience

(images courtesy of mr ivan lee and miss chong)

introversion of me that i didn't know

little did i know that i show sign of being an introvert. i always thought i am an extrovert. confidence at fault. i have mistakenly thought that being comfortable in social events makes me an extrovert. wrong. here is a little article extracted from someone's blue wall.

1) We don’t need you to care about our birthday. (blogger: yes, i support this argument)

Yeah, we don’t. We have friends who genuinely know us and care, if we care. However, an interesting thing about introverts, is some don’t need to celebrate it. We’re okay with quietly honouring the day on our own or with a group of friends we’ve carefully selected. We don’t have to let the world know.

2) We are not really listening as you recount your weekend. ( blogger: no, in all honesty, i sincerely want to know how you spend your weekend.)

Unless you are part of our circle of friends, we don’t care what you did last weekend. We are of the mind that everyone has a right to privacy, and if you chose to spend it in a drunken stupor or beating down the door of your ex, then that is up to you. We don’t judge, and find it takes too much energy to give it to people we don’t know. Just because we work with you, that doesn’t mean we know you.
3) We hate crowds. (blogger: agreed)

Large groups of people make us tired. All the stimulation of having so many different types from all walks of life can make us a little woozy. Some introverts are empaths, so they tend to take on the energy of others easily. We sometimes feel like we “know” everyone in the room and get easily overwhelmed with the swirl of activity.
4) We don’t really like networking events. (blogger: true)

This is especially hard for introverts who run a business. Networking makes us feel like we have to perform. We struggle to say the right thing and listen attentively. We don’t really care since we don’t know you. Even in business, we have to feel connected to someone on another level to get the most out of a networking type of event. This takes time, and choosing the right event, and coming up with a plan to offer value to others, while getting some for ourselves.
5) We force ourselves to act like we like you. (blogger: no la, actually I am quite real no matter where I go, definitely the one who like you. for one thing, I dislike acting)

This is the nasty truth. We know who we like and don’t. It can stem from many reasons that can have its roots in childhood to what we ate for breakfast this morning. Don’t take it personally. We appreciate honesty, and sometimes it hurts. To survive, we have to supersede these feelings and be nice. Nice can be harder than being real.
6) We know how to get stuff done. (blogger: i love emails, best invention ever)

We pack our alone time with activities–projects, phone calls, emails, rough drafts and blueprints for world takeover of our next big idea (which we have lots of). We value solitude because it lets us experiment with new concepts, plan and stretch our imagination. Anything is possible when we spend time alone, and what we create may change our lives, and yours, too.
7) We like to write things out. (blogger: guilty of this one)
We love email because it helps us get what we need without interruptions. Interruptions throw us off course, and we need to expend more energy to get back on track. So, please don’t call unless it is a close-ended question.

8) We feel safe with the right people. (blogger: who doesn't?)

When we have the right people in our lives, we give our all. We give our best selves. We become protective warriors who will fight almost any cause for someone we love. Just ask our friends. We blossom in the right company, and shine. It takes us time to find the right people, and when we do, we don’t hold back.
9) We do have friends, who really like us. (blogger: Ahoy!)
Introverts like people, and people like us. Most introverts have no issue with hanging out in groups, and spending time with others. If we have friends, it’s because we consciously chose them. We’ve put effort into the relationship, and our friends know that. We go to bars, parties, and meet new people. The difference is that not everyone we meet becomes a friend.

10) We can do the extrovert thing, for a while. (blogger: no, i don't do it anymore, not even for the sake of entertaining, I am turning into a recluse)

We have to do that to get along. We can be the life of the party, host the networking event, and be the chairperson of the charity. We do this willingly, knowing that at the end of the day we can go home. When we get there, it may take days, or weeks to replenish ourselves, and feel ready to do that again.
11) We are not shy, rude or uptight. (blogger: yes, i am not shy, a little rude and very sociable)
At first, we may seem that way. Get to know us, and we can actually make you laugh, and hold a conversation that lasts more than 15 minutes. The thing is, we don’t share this with everyone. Being “social” or “sociable” is an option, not a way of being. We can’t fake happy or excited really well, and we show what we think on our face, not as much in our words.
12) We are okay alone. (blogger: i need my reading time, anime time, drama time)

We have lots going on in our heads and don’t need more. Unlike our extrovert counterparts, we don’t need others for stimulation. We’re constantly working out life in our heads. We entertain ourselves with creative projects and know how to take ourselves out for a good time. More people, means more stuff to deal with, and we’ve got enough of our own energy to hold.
13) We hate small talk. (blogger: yalor)

We’re thinkers, and we relish conversations about big ideas, theories and ideals. We rarely get into small talk and do so comfortably.
14) We make a choice to be with you–appreciate it. (blogger: secretly hoping that all my friends know this)

We value our alone time and are picky about who we let in. Letting in the wrong person will drain us, leaving nothing for ourselves. We tend to attract extroverts who suck our energy, and search out likeminded introverts for our groundedness, deep thinking and sense of control. We appreciate our time with other introverts and have an understanding of each other’s limits and boundaries.

Out of the 14 points stated in the article, 12 really resemble who i am. i have no idea. at certain point in time, probably during university time, i begin to abhor huge gathering. i always told my uni mates, 7-9 people are cool. anymore than that, i am out. i like to hang out with close friends. i guess there is nothing wrong in how i acted then. because i am just who i am. do you like me the way it is?

reminds me of the joyous time we travelled in taipei

too many photos, too few memories

if you understand what i say, probably we are on the same page for this matter. i disagree for a fact that we have to take photos all the time during gathering. my view on this is if we spend time taking photo, it is time wasted bonding with each other. plus what difference does it make? erm. i have no idea. to show that we gather? to show those who are absent how much they have missed? in short, it gives me the feeling that we are having a good time and others are not.

i like it better if we take time chit chat with everyone. don't waste time taking photos. okay la, i shouldn't be so critical. maybe one photo might be good. it gives me the energy boost that i am living a sociable life once in awhile.

this article sums up pretty much what i have in mind all this while. we are here to live the moment, not to take picture. there is no point going back if we have already lived the present as it is.

http://www.smh.com.au/comment/too-many-smartphone-photos-too-few-memories-20131021-2vx00.html

blogger is thinking he should just limit himself to one photo per gathering. oh wait, usually he doesn't hold the camera hence he doesn't mind. vanity sometimes prevails over sanity.

i remember well

when i interact, i observe, listen and talk at the same time. this can be a gift and yet a curse at times. hence, i am appreciative of kind gestures i was showered with yet i remembered well for those bad apples as well. how in the world i am remembering all the fights i had with my primary school friends to the details and also remember how the primary school teacher treated me well like her own child. i felt honoured as a student that time. she trusted me. the most important thing, she inspired me to be the best i can be.

thats why i tell my friends around me, don't treat me bad, don't lie to me, don't do any mistake in front of me. i remember well even though sometimes i remember too much. 

i still cannot forget how this friend who taught i was the snobbish kid ended up being my occasional chatting friend. but the thing is, the chatting gets lesser. but i still find it memorable. because as we walk to after school class, he will keep talking. surprisingly, i am the listener. i am seldom the listener but i remember well.

there is girl who i had a crush on. she asked for a favour once and i remembered, i asked for an ice cream in return. and she said ok. haha. although it did not materialise, i still remember. does this type of human connection and memory only happens to me or everyone else has the same exact memories too.

taipei

ps: does having a auditory memory a good thing?

lost

if all of a sudden you feel a sense of lost in direction, what do you do? i am having that a lot lately. part of me feels i need to do something about it but apart of me knows that i have not learned enough. am i being impatient. learning takes time and achievement is not built in a day. i know that. so what gives?

being in assurance is great. lots of people to meet, tonnes of things to learn and the best part: work until you don't have a sense of time. what day is it?

for me, assurance gives me a breath of fresh air but the freshness is dying down. i want to know why too. i am learning but i kept questioning does this really help in my future?

i don't know. sometimes to believe something so bluntly makes me feel lost.

they made me laugh for a bit there

they are quite unique in their own ways. they can be carefree, they can be persistent. one for sure, they sure are playful.

as i was watching them today, a bunch of children we running here and there. my god, some are shouting at the top of their volume. i was cringing inside, my ears hurt. oh well. at times, letting children be children is the best you can do for them. after all, their minds just have one thing. how to have fun.

and the simplicity of their pleasure even amuses me more. all but for one bucket of ice water. five of them surrounding the bucket of water, slowly dipping their hands. the coldness must have given them the never-ventured experience. one was like "oooo" the other, "aaaaa" and the next "just giggling". i think they felt lucky today because i believe any other day, they will not be allowed for splashing water. but today happens to be a small gathering where everyone prays. hence, the subtle leniency must have given them the upmost joy. i was smiling there, watching them. so simple, a bucket of ice water is only what it takes to be happy.

i wonder why adults have gotten so complicated. maybe, we have gone through the experience before. after a while, left two little boys dipping their hands in the icy cold water. an idea came. i flicked on the surface of the water and it went splashing into their eyes, hoping they would give up playing with the water. how persistent prevails. they faced away while dipping their hands inside. one thing for sure, slightest hint for revenge was none existence. on the other hand, they were quite happy. haha.... i did a few more times, each time increasing their level of excitement.

oh kids, stop being so cute. you have just made my day then.

in times to come

since i could ever remember, i dreamed of big things. i want a big house, a big car, a grand career and definitely the travel-around-the-world holiday when i gets older.

those dreams are so different from what i have in mind now. i just need a home, a car to get me places and an occasional holiday to open up my world. not that i don't have the drive anymore. i just believe now i need to have a minimalist life, yet minimal enough for me to have my occasional pleasure.

everyone is striving for the previous dreams i had. then a thought strike through me. will i be the same person, chasing the same things all my life. happy or just want to have the same thing everyone has? hmmm....

actually i am more of a cultural person. i appreciate cultural values more than any others. i might prefer reading to travelling, holy shit. everyone will be throwing stones at me for travelling so much. but i just want to have a look of how others live their lives. the scenery not really fascinates me. but the experience of meeting others and listening to their stories excite me more than anything else.

hence, i dream of a life that really satisfies me. no longer the big-shot looking individual.

a happy job, a decent hobby and the oh-so-not glamour life that i used to want. never mind i have smaller car, house and vacation than you but i will be happier leading the bigger life than yours. setting standard against everyone else is sure a tiring task. that's what i learn from working.

The rainbow with no ends

A new picture for my blog. This picture was actually taken a few weeks back when I was walking home after shopping. As I looked at the rainbow, it sort of gave the feeling of new hope but I did wonder if everytime a rainbow appears, does it really give a new hope to everyone or anyone who manages to glimpse at it. True enough, the rainbow did not appear for too long. A few minutes later, as I looked up the sky, it was gone. Glad to be able to capture it. Well, it seems endless isn't it? Does it resemble that hope is endless too? Subject to personal opinion then, some people prefer to see things from the brighter side of life and some like me, prefers to see it from the other side.
I have a reason for it; It rained heavily 2 minutes after I took this picture. I had not managed to go back in time to collect my laundry ending up soaking wet. Besides, I took a shelter in a nearby library. On the contrary, while waiting, I have a book in my hand, so I began reading the book. Hmmmm...good to be able to enjoy the book that time.... It would be better if there is a cup of hot coffee to compliment with my favourite past time. As my friend from Perth loves to say: It is heaven! Wakakaka... Here you go, law maggie. I did quote from you. Therefore,I should put referencing at the end of my blog post. (Law, 2009)
Blogger reminisicing the day he was soaking wet reading....