emotionless

It is very funny. I feel like have been repeating myself again and again, doing the same stuff. The activities are attending classes, eat, watch some dramas, some anime and looking around in facebook. Can anybody tell me something different that I can do? My body is totally exhausted and I still have this major assignment to hand in this Thursday. The question is not hard, just that I am not sure what should I put in to strengthen what I want say.

I want to go swimming... Yes, I probably should this weekend, the day after my assignment submission. Anyone interested to join me? Also, I have become more of a social recluse, refusing to talk unless necessary. Oh no, I am turning into a robot. Crap! This is so not me. The thought of calling myself robotic sounded not like me at all. Where is me? The me who always laugh and do whatever I feel like doing. I seem to be bounded by stuff recently. I am not sure whether I should worry things too much.

Yah, I think I should worry less and do more things, can be anything. Reading, surveying, researching and even eating at different places. If not, my life is going to be same everyday like a vicious cycle. One thought comes to my mind right now, I should think positive.

For a few reasons to be positive about: spring break is coming. I heard Meng Huat is coming over I think. Still not sure though because I have not really confirmed with him the other day. I want to play badminton, go jogging and play frisbee. Haha.... I used to think frisbee is a special game for dogs until I saw people played, mainly Aussie. It can be quite fun, depending on how you make the rules.

Today, I met my previous PASS facilitator on my way to a tutorial class. He still remembered me... Haha, kind of nice to know that your presence is being acknowledged at times. I quite like this facilitator, Very helpful and friendly. His surname is cool as well: Tregeagle. I never ask him how to pronounce it, fearing of embarrassing myself. I had a chit chat with him and he is going to be an economics researcher soon. Best of luck!

Today, I realise the academics in my university are really helpful. The tutors really teach for the love of the job. When I ask questions, they will not give you the weird 'you are so stupid' face but they encourage you to voice out your concern. I am quite slow to realise this after two years I am here. Buat malu sahaja. Tak apa, malu 2 tahun lebih baik dpd malu sepanjang masa, kan kan?

And and, I have got myself a ticket home this coming summer. Wooohooo.... So looking forward to it. The weird thing is, I am looking forward to my friend driving me around to go lim teh. Oppss, if my mum knows this, I am done. No la, mummy. I always miss you! Yes, must quickly give her a call soon. I always got the telepathy that my mum is missing my sexy voice.

Till then, ciao. Oh, one more thing to look forward to: mooncake festival. To all my friends who celebrate it, Happy Mooncake Festival in advance. Do you believe me if I tell you I am still walking around with lantern after all this while I am here?

my beautiful Malaysia

We are now at a very important stage. Who are the we here? We refer to the Malaysians. The hot current debate is the issue about the privileges that certain race gets which is institutionalised. For whatever reason, I feel that if the battle is lost, there is no more hope left. This is the moment. If you want to change, grab the chance and change. Or else I am afraid, this vicious cycle will be never ending.

It is crucial. When you feel the discussion is the most intense, that means the resolution is coming. I hope, pray and wish it is for the better. It is has been so long and she is not young anymore. Don't you see the sign, Malaysia is aging and weakening. If she does not change, I have no eye to see. =(

I hate the fact that Malaysia newspaper columnists prefer to showcase the successful ex-Malaysian abroad. I think it is rather shameful. They are successful after they leave the country. Just the recent Malaysian born, Penny  Wong who is now sworn in as Australian Minister holding the Finance Minister post. What will she be if she is now in Malaysia? Most likely an ordinary Malaysia, at best be the Tourism Minister.

You know why? She has no hope or nil chance in getting the Finance Minister post in Malaysia. Our political system is just plain wrong. Only certain people are able to attain the top position and that certain people are mostly males. You only see smart intellectual women in supporting role. What does it say? An ultra sexist and male chauvinist political system. Sad sad.... You are depriving yourself of the best half of the population from ruling the country. Come on, wake up! Realise that there is something wrong here.

Why do you need such a long wake up call? And the problem is: you are still dreaming, clinging on to the hope that never exist or you can argue, used to exist 50 years ago? I agree, we started strong but we ended up the weakest. The true awareness has to within. But nobody will blame you for being slow, however, everyone will blame you for noticing and yet, not taking any initiatives. I know the cultures exisitng in you is not easy, but sometimes, you got to do "WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO".

You watch the greatest transformation happening at other country, a black president for the first time. It symbolises hope for others. People are drawn there. Everyone wishes to have hope. A slight hope is better than no hope. I, once tell my friend. I want to be the future Finance Minister. My friend said, "Wake up, Chee Seng. You have no chance. Look at the current post. It has been so long since a Chinese takes that portfolio." It sends the impact like a 100 tonnes metal falling down on me. I really stand no chance. What about Gabenor Bank Negara, at least can chop money with my signature. Another denial from that friend. Why? Every Malaysian knows why. Because my name is unique and speaks volume about my chances.

I can understand why many Malaysians left the country while knowing in their hearts which place they belong to. Perhaps, they just want to cling to the tiny,frail hope that is offered by other nations.

I hope that one day, when any Malaysian children of tomorrow come running to me excitedly asking, " Can I be the Prime Minister?" I want to be able to say with confidence and poise that, "Just go for it."

That will suffice. If my battle for this answer is won, I think this is my greatest achievement in life. It is not an impossible answer. All it needs is a little change of mindset and be prepared to work your ass off for it.

easy listening

I regretted hitting the button to listen music videos on Youtube. Suddenly, it seems naturally that I will spend up to an hour just listening to a specific artist. This artist sings the music of my soul. Love his music to the max. His music the very first reason I love mandarin pop in the first place. Should thank him... I actually should not have time to blog. Exam is on Thursday but I just want to relax a little bit. Okay, shall talk about my idol one day okay? Promise.

Blogger feels great after listening to his soul music again... Wheeeee......

examinations plus reading

this week is very hectic... 2 mid semester exams and one quiz. I don't have the mood. not to say not to study, but very hard to focus. Something seems lacking, don't know how to describe. Anyone can tell me what am I lacking. I try to cheer myself by watching a taiwanese talk show, "Guess Guess Guess". It works towards a certain extent and I am still here. One indication: I am stuck. I hate to deal with uncertainty and for these two papers not to say hard, but rather confusing.

I really hate it when some standards are put in such a manner which sounds professional but doesn't make sense. Isn't better if you use simple language that normal people would comprehend? Instead of saying directly, it is beating around the bush for dunno how many times and in the end, it means simple stuff =.= But I heard previous exams were tough, so I did some study and ask some tips. Hmmm.... Financial accounting is really not my cup of tea. I refuse to say I hate it because it is a process of learning.

The process of learning can be wonderful, I just have to find a way to learn it. Also, I try to be grateful for the fact that I have a comfy place to learn, good friends for guidance and nice tutor to provide additional assistance. Oppsss... I forgot that tomorrow I have tutorial to attend. Ciao!

Blogger regaining his focus once he starts blogging. Wheeee.... Maybe he will consider blogging more than once a day to remain focused. Gambateh.

mahu vote tak?

Recent Malaysian news indicates that election might be coming soon. Maybe maximum 2 years time? Time really flies. And since I am 21, I am eligible to vote.... If I am an ordinary citizen, I would be pleased to vote because it represents my power in determining the future of my country. Unfortunately, my country is extra ordinary. The political parties are fighting things for the wrong reason.

Just to compare with Australia, there is a labour party and liberal party. Am I saying it right? One is fighting for keeping the basic's human necessity like lower tax, higher incentive and higher payment for paternity leaves. Wow, got paternity leave suggestion some more. Syioknya. And another party is fighting for Green, as my Aussie housemate told me. They are here to protect the environment by carrying out higher tax on corporate bodies to create a sustainable future.

These visions are really that make the voters fire up. They are fighting for rights that everyone can enjoy. Either party wins will benefit the citizens. Hmmm.... what about Malaysia? I think we are still fighting about education rights, scholarships, business opportunity, discrimination and race issues. Where are the solid grounds you are fighting? They seem to be focusing on the menial issues that are not supposed to exist any longer. One thing you can applaud them. Those damn stubborn politicians and voters. They refuse to change the track of the main agenda. To say Malaysia is still at its infancy, we are not. To say we are developed, we are so far away.

So, what are we? We are just like adults fighting baby issue. Which adult should get the toys? =.=

Back to my question: should i vote ar? Why should I? I will only give to individual that deserves it but what if the individual I want to vote is of party that does not fight for the main agenda I wish it is fighting for. My main doubt. Never mind. Once, I start seeing the main agenda, I will vote. From the current being, let's just say my vote might come for a few more decades, if I am lucky enough to survive till that time, that is.

You do not have to persuade me to vote for you. Save your breath and effort. Just do the things right and I shall have the eyes to see.

she who is someone different from other

I am used to heard my friends saying, "Mothers are all the same." Yeah, I agree up to a certain extent. Mother will always say that you kids are so lucky nowadays, got to study and parents to fetch you go and back from school. Haha.... My mum also said that all the time. And I was very scared when I have to stay back for extracurricular, she will ask me, "Do you know how hot is it?" Oppssss... That's why I will walk very fast out of my class once the last lesson ended. Faster coming out = avoid traffic. Phew...everyone is happy.

At times, I feel that I have the luxury to relax around without parental pressure to do well because my mum never ask me to be extra ordinary, She just hopes that I will be like everyone else and have a normal life. But, I think the last I wish is like everyone else. In form 1, my best friend told me, "My Mum keeps asking me to study." I replied, "My Mum always ask me to stop studying." Haha... You know why.... The reason is I love to study until late at night because I have taken naps in the afternoon. Hoho.... So, I give my mum the impression that I am studying all the time. Tactic successful.

My mum also never ask me when is examinations. So funny, she will tell me to sleep early and do not stress myself too much. Wahhhhh.... My mum really think I study too much huh? Since young, I always believe that one should be responsible for his own action so, I seldom make my mum worry much academically. I can still remember her shouting in the car when I told her I scored full A's for UPSR. But I know she has nothing to give me other than her care, love and advice. For these, I think it is sufficient for me. I never ask for more because I know family at home is quite tough.... Not say tough, but someone is making it tough. That's why I always cherish my mum.

Today, just called her. And she said she was just thinking earlier today why I haven't called for so long. You can say this is mum telepathy, sending signal to me to call home. Haha.... Then, I reminded her to keep some mooncakes and asked whether she kept some bak zhang for me. She said no need, I will make some for you. Hoho... Zhuan dao.. That's why there is a saying, "The way to heaven is at the bottom of Mum's foot" (direct translation for syurga terletak di bawah tapak kaki ibu)  and I really believe that indefinitely.

tikam....

Today, my whole day is filled with this misery word. I felt so helpless.

Corporate Finance 2 mid semester examination is today, And I just thought I am aiming for pass.... Aiming for pass seems so hopeful afterall. The 1-hour examination for 30 MULTIPLE CHOICE questions is so long. Yes, it is multiple choice which makes me feel worse. I am like =.= I have been preparing since the first week itself, doing all the tutorial questions and preparing 1 week ahead. Still like this... One word I just learn which really suits my situation right now: FML!

Then, I was guessing all the way because I am scared I don't have time to tikam at the end....I did some with ease but for the majority part: they are either uncertain or unknown. Feel like want to cry but then, decided not to because I still have 2 more examinations next week. I shall rest for today, so I end up watching 6 hours of anime plus drama just to forget the experience.

While the rest of my day seems unproductive, I did volunteer for an event, not bad though. Met quite a few new friends. And I even taught a China friend the word, "tikam" because she was in the same exam as me and ask me what it means when I told that to a Malaysian friend.The event is nothing much just that recently I found that people who met me before do remember my name.... Hehe...I thought I am insignificant, seems not =)

Then, I also went for a dharma talk organised by my friends, interesting discussion I should say but I seldom ask questions. Pai seh ma, first time attending.. But I do find it quite informative and interesting. The speaker point of view can be used as a guidance in life or should I say, a light that will shine through the tunnel, but I do not deny that I have neglected the spiritual need of myself for quite a few years.

The thought of that seems to strike me with another thought... I seem to think that right or wrong is within one's conscience. You yourself will determine whether it is right or wrong but within the society, there are some moral conducts that are deemed necessary. Once heard that, the Buddha is within you. It is not that if you pray more, you are more holy than others. One's person karma is determined by your action, speech and thought. You must do it right then I think will be sufficient.

Blogger feels that when one hell breaks lose, another two might come next week... Gambateh to me!

eustress or distress?

I know I like a subject when remembering the facts come so naturally. For those who have studied Organisational Behaviour, these terms should sound familiar to you.

These two are basically, as the names suggest, stress. One is a good stress while one is a bad stress. What the heck, right? People nowadays can classify stress into good and bad. Don't they have anything in between?
Eustress is a good stress apparently. This amount of stress is helpful. Let me give you an example. For example, when the examination dates come nearer, you apparently have eustress to quicken up your pace of studying. So, somehow or rather, it can be said a good stress.

What is distress? It leads to anxiety and may cause you some trouble such as emotional problems. It is bad stress. Something like when you are facing a stalker or trouble fitting in. So they are bad!

But, I am wondering why is my eustress is causing me behavioural change? The nearer the examinations date, the more hours I spent on drama and anime. Today itself, 6 hours =.= Fine, I will gambateh tomorrow but Malaysian Hall is having buka puasa. Should I go? It is very tempting but I want to nail that Corporate Finance subject.

Want to ask for help, but pai seh to ask because I know the subject is tough so I do not want to trouble other people. I should read up myself right? Always ask questions also makes other think you are such a bother.

Never mind, a fresh day comes with fresh hope. =) I will sleep earlier and wake up earlier to revise. Corporate Finance is such an interesting subject but most of the content is like so challenging! I am finding myself sweating for this subject. =.=""""""""" haha, lame joke for a lame me.

Blogger feeling like sleeping,studying and watching drama at the same time.