What makes you happy?

Due to my boredom despite tonnes of things to do, I always browse through the net to find stuff which is interesting. Something like survey about men's opinion, health, food and music. I come across an online magazine and it list the 10 things that make men happy. Well, let's see.

No. 1: Friends. I totally agree with this ranking. It says that meeting friends make men happy. Wow, that's so true. According to the survey, the amount of money that should be compensated for a guy who has not met his friends for a year is closely $300,000. That's a lot! I can't agree less. I think it is not the money, I think I will die... Haha =) I am so talkative and if I don't see my friends, I am most likely to suffer depression and commit suicide. No la, probably won't commit suicide. I can be a pretty loner at times, but I love to just chat with my good friends. The magazine also writes that being around peers helps men to produce a kind of hormone which gives happy feeling... Betul betul.... Should i post the picture of my friends here ar? DUN WANT LAR, I AM SO SHY.... haha, not really shy but is because I seldom take pictures with my friends geh... It is not the pictures that show your strength of your friendship right? It is the heart that counts. (wink wink)

I consider myself pretty fortunate because wherever I went I had at least a friend which I could closely talk to.... Like last time primary school, got three besties always there... Chat like orang gila seems like nobody's business. Then come to secondary school, also got one two friends geh, the ones who will can finish your sentences... Freaking hate them for finishing my sentences (not really, i think friends like that are treasures!) Then come to college, seems like I am a bit withdrawn, quite quiet and quite lost though they are good friends  but seldom can talk. Talk also must be careful at times.... I dunno why, maybe felt strange... But then in the end got one lar.... But this friends quite siow one as the surname suggests. XD can be funny and can be sampat and can be super kind as well... I think friends who know me really well last time can pretty sure say I have moody behaviour.

It can be attributed to insecurity. I dun like to be in the presence of many people actually. For me, if they are really close, three to four are sufficient. But it so happens everytime my close friends have such a huge gang of friends that I get pulled in the end... Unexpected yet happy =) To say I am judgemental is true, I am friend selector... Hohoho.... Once I told my good friend about this, he got scared, "Wahhhh, I din know you are like that." Well, be glad I select you...... No lar, I am just crapping... I don't really talk much unless I really know you but I get the feeling that everytime once I get warm up to the close friends, it is time to leave again. So, being personal can be a good thing too. Takkan want me to pour out everything when meeting new friends meh? That will be inappropriate.

Now leh, sometimes find that some can be fake, some intentional yet many truthful and sincere. Glad to know them. But I dunno it is me or them. I can feel like they are hiding something. If I ask the question knowing the question is what my friends want to avoid, will I be deemed KPC. I believe everyone has the right to keep their personal lives to themselves but only good friends will want to know right? I am not wrong for thinking that right?

For me, it is very common that I avoid certain subject. True enough, I don't say unless people ask. Because I believe people who care are the ones who will ask these questions. So, I answer truthfully. All this while, I thought I hide my personal stuff quite well until I suddenly told a friend about my story la...bla bla bla... And he said, "I know ar," I said how u know.... "Because you never talk about it"... Hmmm... Well, I didn't say because I do not want to sound disrespectful because I used to think that reality sucks... Yeah, sucks big time..

I think I have been in such a dilemma state for so long, and to be in dilemma now is such a simple thing. I don't face problem which normal people seem to face. I think nobody will understand. By saying, it shouldn't  help. So, might as well don't say. Not that I choose to not to tell, but I tried and everytime I get the sympathy looks that I dislike. There was once I told a friend who has similar problem like myself. After hearing, I think she found it a relief because deep down she never expect me to have such big problems before. Haha... I think I should be a motivator next time just by telling my story. So dramatic yet pitiful.

That's the reason I find that being emo is the worst expression. You want to be emo, friend. Come and listen to my story and I think you have no more reason to be emo about. You think life is hard, of course it is hard. Nobody says it is easy. Suck up,learn and move on. But I am quite fortunate because I learn to dream. As I believe background forms a personality and since my background is different, I always dream of being different from others. I want to succeed but not just materially because picking myself up is not easy.

And I always appreciate friends around me. I think I have good memory when it comes to my personal lives. I can still remember the friend who consoled me when I cried in primary school. The friend who stood by me when the rest think I am being a disgrace, the friend who fought with me over simple matter. the friend who told me I am his best friend, the friend who appeared everywhere unexpectedly wherever I go, and the friend who cried over love.

Due to my good memory, it always seems that these friends have been my besties like yesterday. Let me count the besties that I have: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 and 10. Well, not many hor? So pathetic, in my life, I only have 10 besties but I think 10 is sufficient... and how much do you think I will pay if I were to never to meet them in my life before? Nothing because all I will pay is my heart, love and sincerity.