introversion of me that i didn't know

little did i know that i show sign of being an introvert. i always thought i am an extrovert. confidence at fault. i have mistakenly thought that being comfortable in social events makes me an extrovert. wrong. here is a little article extracted from someone's blue wall.

1) We don’t need you to care about our birthday. (blogger: yes, i support this argument)

Yeah, we don’t. We have friends who genuinely know us and care, if we care. However, an interesting thing about introverts, is some don’t need to celebrate it. We’re okay with quietly honouring the day on our own or with a group of friends we’ve carefully selected. We don’t have to let the world know.

2) We are not really listening as you recount your weekend. ( blogger: no, in all honesty, i sincerely want to know how you spend your weekend.)

Unless you are part of our circle of friends, we don’t care what you did last weekend. We are of the mind that everyone has a right to privacy, and if you chose to spend it in a drunken stupor or beating down the door of your ex, then that is up to you. We don’t judge, and find it takes too much energy to give it to people we don’t know. Just because we work with you, that doesn’t mean we know you.
3) We hate crowds. (blogger: agreed)

Large groups of people make us tired. All the stimulation of having so many different types from all walks of life can make us a little woozy. Some introverts are empaths, so they tend to take on the energy of others easily. We sometimes feel like we “know” everyone in the room and get easily overwhelmed with the swirl of activity.
4) We don’t really like networking events. (blogger: true)

This is especially hard for introverts who run a business. Networking makes us feel like we have to perform. We struggle to say the right thing and listen attentively. We don’t really care since we don’t know you. Even in business, we have to feel connected to someone on another level to get the most out of a networking type of event. This takes time, and choosing the right event, and coming up with a plan to offer value to others, while getting some for ourselves.
5) We force ourselves to act like we like you. (blogger: no la, actually I am quite real no matter where I go, definitely the one who like you. for one thing, I dislike acting)

This is the nasty truth. We know who we like and don’t. It can stem from many reasons that can have its roots in childhood to what we ate for breakfast this morning. Don’t take it personally. We appreciate honesty, and sometimes it hurts. To survive, we have to supersede these feelings and be nice. Nice can be harder than being real.
6) We know how to get stuff done. (blogger: i love emails, best invention ever)

We pack our alone time with activities–projects, phone calls, emails, rough drafts and blueprints for world takeover of our next big idea (which we have lots of). We value solitude because it lets us experiment with new concepts, plan and stretch our imagination. Anything is possible when we spend time alone, and what we create may change our lives, and yours, too.
7) We like to write things out. (blogger: guilty of this one)
We love email because it helps us get what we need without interruptions. Interruptions throw us off course, and we need to expend more energy to get back on track. So, please don’t call unless it is a close-ended question.

8) We feel safe with the right people. (blogger: who doesn't?)

When we have the right people in our lives, we give our all. We give our best selves. We become protective warriors who will fight almost any cause for someone we love. Just ask our friends. We blossom in the right company, and shine. It takes us time to find the right people, and when we do, we don’t hold back.
9) We do have friends, who really like us. (blogger: Ahoy!)
Introverts like people, and people like us. Most introverts have no issue with hanging out in groups, and spending time with others. If we have friends, it’s because we consciously chose them. We’ve put effort into the relationship, and our friends know that. We go to bars, parties, and meet new people. The difference is that not everyone we meet becomes a friend.

10) We can do the extrovert thing, for a while. (blogger: no, i don't do it anymore, not even for the sake of entertaining, I am turning into a recluse)

We have to do that to get along. We can be the life of the party, host the networking event, and be the chairperson of the charity. We do this willingly, knowing that at the end of the day we can go home. When we get there, it may take days, or weeks to replenish ourselves, and feel ready to do that again.
11) We are not shy, rude or uptight. (blogger: yes, i am not shy, a little rude and very sociable)
At first, we may seem that way. Get to know us, and we can actually make you laugh, and hold a conversation that lasts more than 15 minutes. The thing is, we don’t share this with everyone. Being “social” or “sociable” is an option, not a way of being. We can’t fake happy or excited really well, and we show what we think on our face, not as much in our words.
12) We are okay alone. (blogger: i need my reading time, anime time, drama time)

We have lots going on in our heads and don’t need more. Unlike our extrovert counterparts, we don’t need others for stimulation. We’re constantly working out life in our heads. We entertain ourselves with creative projects and know how to take ourselves out for a good time. More people, means more stuff to deal with, and we’ve got enough of our own energy to hold.
13) We hate small talk. (blogger: yalor)

We’re thinkers, and we relish conversations about big ideas, theories and ideals. We rarely get into small talk and do so comfortably.
14) We make a choice to be with you–appreciate it. (blogger: secretly hoping that all my friends know this)

We value our alone time and are picky about who we let in. Letting in the wrong person will drain us, leaving nothing for ourselves. We tend to attract extroverts who suck our energy, and search out likeminded introverts for our groundedness, deep thinking and sense of control. We appreciate our time with other introverts and have an understanding of each other’s limits and boundaries.

Out of the 14 points stated in the article, 12 really resemble who i am. i have no idea. at certain point in time, probably during university time, i begin to abhor huge gathering. i always told my uni mates, 7-9 people are cool. anymore than that, i am out. i like to hang out with close friends. i guess there is nothing wrong in how i acted then. because i am just who i am. do you like me the way it is?

reminds me of the joyous time we travelled in taipei

25

This year. I am 25. A good number I would say. As I started off with a few celebrations. Back in Sydney days, I would celebrate with close friends. Fun and memorable.

When I started working, I celebrated with family. After 2 years of working, this year marks the year I have friends in the work place whom I celebrated with. Usually, I would be discrete about my birthday. Don't want to cause a scene. This year I hinted to a close friend at work place. And I got two pieces of cake. Good strategy. Not that I want to eat cake, I would like to spend time with people I care about. A week before that, I had a memorable dinner with my family. And on the same day as well, I had another slice of cake with a friend. She is my best friend, or I can safely said, my pasar malam kaki.

I told my sister. Birthday celebration is not something i am used to because we don't celebrate birthday at home. It is only recently that I had birthday celebration since college days. She said, of course la, house financials were not that good. Now that we are finally better off, then can splurge a bit. I agreed. But I yearn to have this day with people who matter.

With these celebrations etched in mind, I think it's one of the birthdays that I will always remember. Not only the time spent with loved ones and also a hand phone as gift from brother and sister. I feel blessed. Thank you, 2014. You have made me a very happy birhday boy.

Here are some of the photos:

The Future

it was an invitation to help out at the orphanage. since it was a private event, i was thinking why not. just draw and distribute food to the kids. i thought it might do myself and the kids good since drawing is one of my favourite subjects. mediocre level compared to those friends of mine. still, i like the concept of colours being blended together and shading.

when i reached, i was the first one to reach. as i wasn't familiar with the home, i decided to loiter in my car, awaiting my friends. then, when my friend arrived, we started the meet and greet session. the kids were ravenous but surprisingly obedient. they were sitting in a big circle in the living room. hence, i started distributing the pizzas around. some were quite shy and some were quite daring. understandable as everyone is entitled to eat as much as they want.

while they were eating, i started to think. if i myself felt inadequate last time, what about they? of course, they have a shelter, a master to take care of them and an occasion outings. when i was younger, i craved for special attention. that makes me felt special. how do they feel? and i also thought about the disadvantages it brings being an orphan. well, i hope they are still too young to understand. all they should know is, with education, the possibilities are endless. i hope they have that in mind.

after the lunch, the event organiser asked the children to group around her. she was very suave and charismatic. she resembled one of my aunties residing in ampang. very similar style in the way she carry herself, the way she talk and even the cantonese dialect she speaks. i was impressed. thats how i decided, she must be as kind as the auntie i had. you may say i judge too quickly, but i say, my instinct and judgment beats your whatever-too-long-observation-requirements-to-be-good a crap. sometimes, you just know whether a person is kind or not from his/her actions and speeches. you don't have to wonder to far off.

then, she briefed them stating that she wanted to draw a picture. and the title is jeng jeng jeng, "The Future". i was taken aback for a moment there. a topic i stopped thinking for awhile. it got me thinking. what is the future that i want to see? she mentioned it can be anything 50 years from now. oh perfect. my retirement plan. haha. all i was thinking was reading, a beach and a picture. a bit odd but those were things that popped up in my mind at that time. so i just decided to draw along. why not.

everyone got into their positions with their utensils ready: a brush, buncho water colours, a pencil and a drawing paper. i distributed the papers around to check that everyone has a piece. i don't hope that by taking one myself, one poor kid will have none. luckily there is extra going around. yippie for me.

while drawing, there is this kid, "Onn", who told me he loves "seni" in school and he had been to melaka to visit the stadhuys building and singapore's universal studio. wah, kids nowadays are pretty lucky right. only 10 years old had the chance to visit singapore, he kept asking me what he was drawing. i have to keep guessing. he kept pushing until i get it right. i was relieved.

after finishing my drawing, i talked to him for a bit. for don't know what reason, he decided to take another paper and started a new paper. okay, maybe he has overflowing of creativity juice in his head. the purpose of this project is to let their creativity run free. i agreed. it did the job for me. for a moment there, i felt happy.

after finishing and all the cleaning up of my brush and polystyrene plate, i saw a kid holding my drawing. i asked him. yes, do you want to add colours to it, he nodded. okay la, since he was so keen, takkan i say tak boleh kan? there he goes. but after a while, my drawing was missing. that good huh? it's alright. i live for the moment, not for the picture. to me, the picture is just a window opportunity to see myself and to know what i want in the Future.

it has been a humbling experience to be able to learn from all this. one, you don't have to have a lot to be happy. two, you just have to make do with what you have. three, you can be kind to others, and others shall be kind to you.

a few photos to share to end the day. definitely a weekend to remember.

i was fortunate enough to grab a photo of my drawing before it went missing. =D

the kid who refined my painting. suspect no.1 for my missing drawing. it's ok. he can have it.

and the rest of them. the indian kid called me brother. i almost wanted to laugh of how informally he addressed me.

ps: my friend said she will organise one in the future. i gave her a doubtful look. she said, "don't look like you don't enjoy it. i know you did." she is reading me like a book. hope to be back in the future.