i remember well

when i interact, i observe, listen and talk at the same time. this can be a gift and yet a curse at times. hence, i am appreciative of kind gestures i was showered with yet i remembered well for those bad apples as well. how in the world i am remembering all the fights i had with my primary school friends to the details and also remember how the primary school teacher treated me well like her own child. i felt honoured as a student that time. she trusted me. the most important thing, she inspired me to be the best i can be.

thats why i tell my friends around me, don't treat me bad, don't lie to me, don't do any mistake in front of me. i remember well even though sometimes i remember too much. 

i still cannot forget how this friend who taught i was the snobbish kid ended up being my occasional chatting friend. but the thing is, the chatting gets lesser. but i still find it memorable. because as we walk to after school class, he will keep talking. surprisingly, i am the listener. i am seldom the listener but i remember well.

there is girl who i had a crush on. she asked for a favour once and i remembered, i asked for an ice cream in return. and she said ok. haha. although it did not materialise, i still remember. does this type of human connection and memory only happens to me or everyone else has the same exact memories too.

taipei

ps: does having a auditory memory a good thing?

the simple wan tan mi

if i compare myself to myself years ago, i would say i have changed. not because of all the people i know or all the skills i learn at work or the degree i earned. it's the perspective i currently have. the "i" who wants to travel everywhere, eat everything and see all the views in the world. yet, as i grow, i find that i feel a less satisfaction seeking such past dream. i still yearn such thing occasionally yet the satisfaction has been different.

at times, i feel that if i have a day of quiet reading and a simple wan tan mi at bunga raya, i would be more happy than travelling and eating fine dining. you may say i am the sour grape. i am at a phase which i think  finding contentment in my daily life can be very rewarding. looking at all the positive side of things could not be so bad after all. if we just stop walking for awhile and look around, there are a lot of things to be thankful and grateful about. but here we are, looking straight at want we possibly can get or not and yet, losing what have been besides us all this while.

blogger just want the simple wan tan mi at times. bunga raya street food is not comparable than the sydney fine dining, it is better.

uncertainty

during the past few weeks, i have been rather down. all thanks to my free time thinking. the more effort i put in thinking about my current state, the negativity element becomes too unbearable. you can say i was in the stage where i was practically getting along not really knowing what i was doing. i kept comforting myself that this is just a phase that everyone goes through. i was wrong. 

i had a chat with a friend over my current state. the advice given is apt. i need a plan. hence, i need a good sleep tonight and come out with a plan tomorrow. the future is in my hands. i should determine how it should be run instead of the other way round. 

riwayatku

"apa khabar?". begitulah bermulanya kehidupanku. saya ditanyakan khabar oleh seorang saudara yang tidak kukenali. dengan penuh perasaan tenang. aku menjawab, "baik." terasa asing sekali walhal aku tidak pernah merasai perasaan ini sama sekali di persekitaran yang kelihatan baru dan bising.tertoleh ke kiri dan ke kanan, ku menampak banyak saudara-saudari yang mempunyai mirip serupa. yang berlainan, cumalah warna. saya berwarna merah dan hitam. setahu saya, namaku amporlo.

pada minggu pertama, aku berasa seronok, mempunyai ramai sahabat setiap hari. walau bagaimanapun, terdapat juga segelintir yang dibawa pergi ke tempat lain. sahabat pertamaku, asadi menjawab, "hari kita juga akan menjelang. kita akan mempunyai tuan-tuan"

hari yang ditunggu-tunggu tiba lebih awal daripada dijangka. aku dibawa ke sebuah kedai runcit di taman bukit rambai. perasaan yang gembira bercampur sedih, meninggalkan sahabat-sahabat yang baru dikenali.
setiap hari, terdapat ramai pelanggan yang menjenguk kedai runcit. di situ, aku melihat banyak tuan mengambil abang penyapu, kakak kuali dan pak cik periuk. mereka diambil pulang untuk menjalani tanggungjawab masing masing. yang kutahu, pak cik periuk dan kakak kuali akan dimainkan di atas api yang cukup panas. terasa gerun apabila memikirkan pengalaman seketika di bawah pancaran matahari. apatah lagi bahang api.

pada suatu hari, seorang pemuda masuk ke dalam kedai. cukup jelas kulihatkan pemuda tersebut memandangku. ditanyakan wanita sebelahnya tentang kewujudanku. wanita berumur lebih kurang 50-an menunduk kepalanya. aku berasa gembira. aku akan mempunyai tuan yang baru.

dipakaikan atas kakinya, dia terus mengambil ku ke atas dan dibayarkan dengan harga ringgit sepuluh. begitulah bermula hidupku. ku kira, nasib ku dikira baik. ke mana tuan ku pergi, ku pergi. dapat juga bersiar siar di jusco, tesco, tempat pejabat besar serta kedai kedai makan. semua pengalaman pertama dingati. kurasakan nasibku lebih sempurna pak cik periuk dan kakak kuali.

semasa berjalan, ku melihat ramai sahabat lama. sempat lagi bersandiwara saudara asadi tersebut. pengalaman demi perngalaman ku timba. HSBC bank. mamak Ali Maju. tidak kurang juga GSC panggung wayang.

selepas setahun, ku rasakan bosan. tetapi, kini tuan telah membiarkan aku di dalam kereta. sebagai alas kaki ketika memandu. haihhhh... apa nak buat? saya mempunyai sahabat baru yang menggantikan tempat lama. namanya, HP. sahabat baru ini berwarna jingga dan putih kekuningan.

setiap hari, tuan akan memakai HP ke mana mana dan saya pula dipakai di dalam kereta. hari seperti inilah yang mula membuatkan saya resah. di man pula saya akan pergi jika saudara baru sampai. tertanya tanya di fikiranku. mungkin ini la yang dikatakan riwayat sepasang selipar. hanya mampu bertanya dan tidak tahu hala tuju kehidupan.

Tamat.

penulis blog ini terkenang sewaktu zaman kecil dahulu, kerap menulis karangan yang bertajukkan, "riwayatku".

lost

if all of a sudden you feel a sense of lost in direction, what do you do? i am having that a lot lately. part of me feels i need to do something about it but apart of me knows that i have not learned enough. am i being impatient. learning takes time and achievement is not built in a day. i know that. so what gives?

being in assurance is great. lots of people to meet, tonnes of things to learn and the best part: work until you don't have a sense of time. what day is it?

for me, assurance gives me a breath of fresh air but the freshness is dying down. i want to know why too. i am learning but i kept questioning does this really help in my future?

i don't know. sometimes to believe something so bluntly makes me feel lost.