Goodbye

At times you wonder why you have friends who are so different from you. It is not that the world is so small that you have to befriend them. But, I think it all comes to one word: fate. You never know who will you come across, who will be your enemy and who will be your friends for forever until the last moment you take your last breath.

I am particularly curious what my circle of friends think of me. The usual one would the cheerful one and the loud one. These two characteristics are what friends always say about me. I chuckled loudly when I read my yearbook which a friend wrote, “You talk loud, laugh even louder, and scold people the loudest”. Interesting, I guess I live up to my branding pretty well. I love to laugh, I love to talk and I love to be heard. This was my social marketing strategy.

But the thing is I have friends who are arrogant, weird and quiet. If I roll back to my early secondary school life, these friends will definitely not make to the list of what I would describe as friends. I will call them my classmates or schoolmates. With time passing, I have reduced my social expectation of what constitutes a friend. Maybe, I am kinder, maybe I am lonely, and maybe I just wish to talk. 

Recently, the idea popped up again. It is time to raise the bar of social expectation. Reason being, I think I grew tired of being the clown anymore. I wish to talk less, think more. Laugh softer, hide my emotions more. I don’t know how the ideas come about but one thing for sure, I want to be different. What do I get in return for being a clown? Nothing, I always have to be the receiving end. I should just be more “siow sa” aka cool in disconnecting friendship. I only wish to be associated which friends I can click. No harm doing that right? What’s wrong with emphasizing quality rather than quantity.

The first step should be start deleting unnecessary contacts on my facebook. The second step is stop responding to unnecessary phone calls for yum cha. But to be honest, those who ask me for yum cha are true friends la. So, yum cha culture lives on.

In reviewing my past friendships, I tend to be the cincai one. Where one friend says lets go this, I would say yes and they expect me to say yes. Actually I love to go out with friends but not to attend events. So I gain some, I lose some. Now, I should be fussier. Fling some power into action. Keep silent for the whole gathering will really make a statement for myself. This is because I want to get used to my working life and act professionally. This is no resolution but I promise I will do my best.

Blogger wishing that he can be himself without being the losing end. Say goodbye to the old him and welcome the new him.