imba-ness

while working yesterday, i kept hearing this word mentioned by my colleagues. it was odd at first. i never heard of such a slang being used in a conversation. for one, i am not a fan of this short form in my sentences. "fml", "yolo", "lmao" are not really my choice of words. the weird thing is when they mention such words, my friends' expressions on the face is totally blank. as if such word is meant to express everything including the face. hmmm.

have i come to an age where everything has to be shorten. and i am expected to pick up all this words. curiosity filled my head for the entire working time since i heard of this word. the thought of asking is sort of embarrassing because it somehow reveals one's age. i know la, i am oldest in the audit team. people in the audit field are so young. 

the imba feeling one has. i don't even know how to use it. help is very much appreciated

thus my effort being put in the G search engine. when i found out what it meanss. i was like. what kind of slang is this. according to the definition,

"Imba is used mostly in online games or games that have patches or different versions. Imba means that something is imbalanced and should be "nerfed" or made worse. When something is imba it means that is is too good and it makes the game unfair."

then i recalled that they use the word to describe how nice a song is. i am confused. i thought it is referring to the situation where once feels unbalanced due to unfairness. but they literally use it to describe the unbalanced feelings they have when listening to a song. what's right, what's wrong? i guess in the world of "yolo and fml", i should just keep my mouth shut. that's the politically correct thing to do.

i m.....

i am really a sucker for romantic genre. i has been watching this movie for the third time. every time i watch, i would have forgotten that i watched it before. yet, it doesn't fail to mesmerise me. perhaps, i would love to have a happy ending one day. i like the accent. i like the scenery. i like the culture displayed. i like the humour. best of all, the romance.

leap year.

age is just a number

i met up with a good friend, two weeks back. the friend has found a gf. good for him. i always got this aura from him that he is lonely. glad that he has someone for company. as conversation flows, he commented that the parents are a little opposing towards this relationship.

my first reaction: why? oh, the girl is a few years his senior. hmm. but it is not that much really. i guess the parents are annoyed. i can see where the parents are coming from. they might think that they girl is at the age suitable for marriage while their son has only started working for a year. i feel like telling the parents, "do you know how hard it is to find one person you like nowadays?" the parents mentioned any girl will do as long as she is local (malaysian) and younger than him. the fact that the girl breaks the two rules makes them hard to accept. i wonder why they object to begin with. my friend used to have a gf who is younger and local and they objected. now he found another, still object. haih... life... life... it is hard to please everyone.

luckily my friend is standing on the positive side. he believes that the parents will eventually accept her as she is. i have yet to see her but to me, it doesn't matter. as long as my friend is happy. that's all that matters. she will be the one walking the rest of his life. the least they can do is give their blessings.

i wish him all the best and the little devil in me hopes that he achieves success because i think being defiant in love and obtaining acceptance in the end is so much more romantic than the plain old vanilla, non-challenging relationship.

wish him the best of luck, and partially myself too in finding one.

age is just a number, really.

spiritual teacher

counting tonight, i have been listening to this man who talks about buddha principles and values for about 4 times. each time, i feel calmer. i like how he talks. he explain principle in ways that are relatable and fun. when i first found him, i felt this is another way for me to learn.

i view life as a learning process. so, i was joyous on that day. peaceful i would say because of the post i watched. thanks to the person who is willing to share the talk with everyone in youtube.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfvJ4cNnnXE

this post is about buddha teaching that says we should learn to be dependent on others. at first, i was confused/discombobulated. now, i understand a little a bit more.

thank you for helping me to make sense of the world. i am often a curious child, and with this little guidance, i felt today has been lived fulfilled.

he is ajahn brahma. 

you're leaving too.....

ohh...now that another colleague is leaving, i was initially tempted as well. mixed emotion. should i go? by now, i would have get used to people who come and go. but no, i was still the same old, same old emotional self. i feel sad when someone leaves the company. haihh.... part of my weakness.

at 24, i thought dealing with separation should be easier. nope, it still makes me feel sad a little. but the duration of getting affected is shorter. this is what you get when you start to have weekend activities with your colleague like watching movie, playing badminton and having dinners.

with you gone, who is there left? another journey in search of colleague who happens to be a friend at the same time. i only have 1. with one leaving, i am left with zero. one positive note, at least it makes me go out there and befriended another colleague. it is out of my comfort zone, but who knows......

a good friend is not easy to find, a colleague who is also a friend is harder to discover.

simple me

currently i am living at the age when i just want everything to be simple. i want a moderate me. i just want a living where i can be satisfied with the things i have. i remain hopeful nonetheless but i want to live a happy life. happiness should not be fulfilled with material things. hence, my current situation.

to be honest, it can be very fulfilling. i have little expectation and i still put in a lot of effort in my job. that's quite a good stage to be in. really. recently, heard that a senior of mine got transferred to uk for a transaction services job. oh wow. that position i have been vying for long. i hope that i can get that as well. yes, i want to work smart towards my goal.

by having goal, it makes me more focus and satisfied. yes, i want to maintain it that way. and i think having friends who are colleagues definitely helps.

a recent group trip.

short attention span

my attention span is slowly crawling towards to a few minutes scale. i wonder why during my study leave period, i have this urge to check updates on facebook. yes, every few minutes. it's not like i am waiting for a message. am i conditioned by the society that wants me to respond immediately? i hope not. usually, i am very calm and cool about responding to sms. but i seem unable to run away from this facebook trap.

as age climbs up, i start to behave like the brat that i used to hate. end of discussion. tomorrow marks the last paper i would have to take for cpa. let it be smooth, sailing and sky high. haha..... if you know what i mean.

blogger is listening to ellie goulding - anything could happen

too many photos, too few memories

if you understand what i say, probably we are on the same page for this matter. i disagree for a fact that we have to take photos all the time during gathering. my view on this is if we spend time taking photo, it is time wasted bonding with each other. plus what difference does it make? erm. i have no idea. to show that we gather? to show those who are absent how much they have missed? in short, it gives me the feeling that we are having a good time and others are not.

i like it better if we take time chit chat with everyone. don't waste time taking photos. okay la, i shouldn't be so critical. maybe one photo might be good. it gives me the energy boost that i am living a sociable life once in awhile.

this article sums up pretty much what i have in mind all this while. we are here to live the moment, not to take picture. there is no point going back if we have already lived the present as it is.

http://www.smh.com.au/comment/too-many-smartphone-photos-too-few-memories-20131021-2vx00.html

blogger is thinking he should just limit himself to one photo per gathering. oh wait, usually he doesn't hold the camera hence he doesn't mind. vanity sometimes prevails over sanity.

maktub

for everything that is written, there is maktub. for every choice that has been made, the consequence has been written. if that is the case, our choices have limitless possibilities. but the circumstance that comes with limited choices left me pondering, can i be chosen not to live this life.

it is confusing. i often wonder why. maybe, i don't have to know why, i just have to know there is something to learn here.but if everything is termaktub, why can't i just learn it by giving me the myriads consequences. it might be a way to test human. how great.

blogger agrees at this moment, "segala benda yang berlaku di dunia ini telah termaktub."

Quote of the Day

"If what one finds is made of pure matter; it will never spoil. and one can always come back. If what you had found was only a moment of light, like the explosion of a star, you would find nothing in return."

i find the meaning behind these sentences very real. the author has explained this using love analogy. another thumb up.  

writing style

every blogger has its own writing style. this is what makes a blogger unique. some loves to attach photo to let the reader know exactly how it looked at the moment. i used to do that. now, i just love to use words to describe the scenario at that moment. that is the beauty of the words. as for the rest of it, it should be left with reader's imagination. bring them to a world where they are able to dream. your words are the determinant how far their imagination can go.

i found a blog recently. his style of writing intrigues me. part of his unique style of writing stems from his willingness to improve and learn. yours truly is impressed. in the meantime, i want to learn and improve too. can you help me?

blogger feels sleepy. time to off the light.

time goes

in the blink of an eye, we have come to oct 2013. i am now having my study leave for the preparation of upcoming exams. chance upon two friends back to uni days. we seldom chat now. we used to meet,dine,play and chat regularly. come to this year. i have worked for one and half years. and all those moments disappear to almost nothing. this year, it is considered lucky that we get to cycle at shah alam.

i miss those moments a little bit. because that is when i can chat freely and connect to to the past. they are my dots to the uni days. two are still alright. one is definitely worst. not even a single hi. i wonder is it because of the conflict that he and another girl has. they are both my very good friends. but somehow, i feel like i was caught in between of the conflict. i decide not to take side and just listen to stories. due to geographical reasons, i only hear one side of the story. but i refused to form an opinion. it has nothing to do with me.

life is challenging. i want everyone to live happily with everyone. but not everyone shares the same ideal with me. i hang out more often with the girl now because we live close by. is it one of the reason they got conflict in the first place. hope not. at the current moment, i feel life is good. it is going through a straight road with sometimes a few potholes here and there. i think i learn how to handle them now. i avoid them.

the besties in uni. where art thou?

蘑菇头李琦

when he first sang the song "趁早", i was blown away.  
that is the moment i started followed him throughout the competition. his interpretation of the music 
and lyrics is really good.
he stresses on the right tone and expression of his voice is splendid. the melody of his voice is really unique.
to top up his slightly rough and clear voice, he has a brand, "mushroom head" mou gu tou. i think the branding suits him very well. 
he got style.
he got his own brand.
he got his own voice.
he got a humble beginning.

what other things he need?

the title of the winner of voice of china.

isn't the trademark just spot on?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mtsDInJ-IOU

he made the electric shocks down my spine. i dunno how to explain but when good music is heard, the electric will come. is it called neuron static shock?

if the electric shock isn't enough to tell me he is damn good, i dunno what is.

blogger signing off to discovery of the a chinese music talent. finally...

to the one who danced

due to the nature of my work as auditor, it has become a norm to notice that colleagues come and go. usually the ones who come are juniors while those who leave are seniors. with this recent departure of another senior, i can't help but feel a bit sentimental about it. he, who is leaving, was the one who danced at client's place for us, the junior associates. the act was really silly and i laughed. it is the thought of trying to lighten us up that make me feel that i have made the right choice to choose this company all along. the strong point has always been the people. he is also the first senior i had for my engagement.

all the best to mr kok. may this be a new and wonderful beginning. 

on the side note, today marks the first attempt to marathon. wheeeee.... it is quite challenging. but part of the challenge was me reaching late due to poor time estimation. i started off late and yet i managed to complete 10km within 1 hour and 15 min. thats not too bad. *a pat on my shoulder. the senior did run in the marathon as well. though not said, i viewed as my departure gift to him. 

to the first and hopefully many more to come

a new revelation

as time goes, you get to know yourself better. it is best to say that i found myself getting used to not surrounded by people as much anymore. i used to like to be surrounded by people but yesterday dinner with a bunch of college mates suggest otherwise. i feel a bit awkward now.

you may say i have changed. but one thing never change, the same chap who used to talk very loud, aka politician style still very much maintains the same Mr Teoh. it defies the constant notion that things change. a law degree who is auditing. fresh perspective i would say.

but sorry to say, i enjoy less yesterday. i wonder why. does this feeling comes with maturity? i now speak more with my thoughts. i think more now, i keep more things inside my heart.

what do you think?

the thing that is constant

when i first heard of this, probably it came from a friend who wrote this on my yearbook. at that time, i was still unsure what did this sentence meant. as life moves on, you learn the deeper meaning of this sentence. it probably reflects well on how i think, who i meet and the way i live now. at the very least, i have learned to view it from a positive note. when nothing is constant, it gives me the opportunity to grow, to learn and to be a better me. it also tells me that it is alright for people to come and go. as old friend goes, new friend comes along but the memory stays. it gives me a greater push to create better memory.

yea, the thing that is constant is nothing ever stop changing.

My first EY medal and hopefully, many more to come =D

Back to my usual active self. Bring it on.

The people I didn't know I could play a game with

the interesting thing of the day

With much time on hand in office, i decided to have a read on the belated Yasmin Ahmad's old blog. I just wanted to kill some boredom. I literally felt asleep. This is actually a luxury seldom obtained by assurance associate. Must be my lucky day today. 

Well, I come across one of her article, it felt that she was talking in person. She is definitely a person who had left behind a legacy. It is very difficult to find a similar person with such optimism in life. But I learn a lesson for today; we have to believe our instincts. with the right intention, it will eventually be rewarded and noted. 

To end this, this is quote that sends the chill down my spine:

If your intentions are pure, if you apply your craft with a view to observe humanity and, ultimately, God himself, very often something powerful will surface. And the next thing you know, hordes of strangers from all around the world are stepping forward to tell you "the story of their life or how their father died." 

i will pray for you

it is an ordinary day. working in the office as usual. a colleague is getting married soon. hence my good luck wishing and envious display for having 4 months of leave. who takes a 4-month marriage leave anyway? then she popped up the question, so bila nak cari gf. i was like.... errr.... when the time is right la. i told her i am not really setting very high expectations. after telling her that, she said no worry, i will pray for you. i was like. okay. i got this question a lot lately. omg. if it reaches a state when you colleague prays for you, i have nothing else to say.

miss right, where art thou?

i ain't rushing, just a little curious how you would look like

the boy who daydreams

it had not been a habit of daydreaming for quite a while. if i daydream, i usually feel tired, sad and probably a little lost. not too long ago, a friend pointed out (so directly) that i was daydreaming when i was talking to her. i stunned for awhile. when i got myself collected, i thought, "yeah, it's probably true." i brushed it off as being tired. ever since i started working, i felt tired. i wonder where is all my energy. i felt like an old man. tired all the time.

part of me wants to blame the job but i think i have an answer already. a person today guided me today. he said i am always being haunted by my past. my inability to let go of my past is starting to make my perspective dim. in order to get myself out of this, i need to learn to accept the past and take it as it is and be more accepting of another person's weakness.

i find this a bitter pill to swallow. as much as i would like to deny this, i know it is true. i often think my past is an disadvantage to me. but it never has been the case till now. i need to learn the value of acceptance. previously, i chose to be silent. apparently, now i find that approach more useful. time to shut up, accept and move on.

everyone has a past. i just wish someone will just tell me, "it's okay to have a past." but part of my memory just refuse to let it go. can you tell me how?

can the wind just blows my past away like the autumn leaves?

you owe it to them

i have read a piece of written article. a very good read. yet, i have forgotten where i come across that.

it goes somewhere along this line, 'if you come across a problem and injustice and have an opportunity to change it, it is your duty to change it. you don't owe it to yourself but you owe it to the future generation so that they do not have to go through what you have been through.' i agree. there is a time when one has to step up and says enough is enough. do not let others tell you it is alright to be wronged. use your heart to tell you what to do. you have a brain and heart for a reason. use it and use it wisely. 

blogger thinking the time is now or never. 

i remember well

when i interact, i observe, listen and talk at the same time. this can be a gift and yet a curse at times. hence, i am appreciative of kind gestures i was showered with yet i remembered well for those bad apples as well. how in the world i am remembering all the fights i had with my primary school friends to the details and also remember how the primary school teacher treated me well like her own child. i felt honoured as a student that time. she trusted me. the most important thing, she inspired me to be the best i can be.

thats why i tell my friends around me, don't treat me bad, don't lie to me, don't do any mistake in front of me. i remember well even though sometimes i remember too much. 

i still cannot forget how this friend who taught i was the snobbish kid ended up being my occasional chatting friend. but the thing is, the chatting gets lesser. but i still find it memorable. because as we walk to after school class, he will keep talking. surprisingly, i am the listener. i am seldom the listener but i remember well.

there is girl who i had a crush on. she asked for a favour once and i remembered, i asked for an ice cream in return. and she said ok. haha. although it did not materialise, i still remember. does this type of human connection and memory only happens to me or everyone else has the same exact memories too.

taipei

ps: does having a auditory memory a good thing?

the simple wan tan mi

if i compare myself to myself years ago, i would say i have changed. not because of all the people i know or all the skills i learn at work or the degree i earned. it's the perspective i currently have. the "i" who wants to travel everywhere, eat everything and see all the views in the world. yet, as i grow, i find that i feel a less satisfaction seeking such past dream. i still yearn such thing occasionally yet the satisfaction has been different.

at times, i feel that if i have a day of quiet reading and a simple wan tan mi at bunga raya, i would be more happy than travelling and eating fine dining. you may say i am the sour grape. i am at a phase which i think  finding contentment in my daily life can be very rewarding. looking at all the positive side of things could not be so bad after all. if we just stop walking for awhile and look around, there are a lot of things to be thankful and grateful about. but here we are, looking straight at want we possibly can get or not and yet, losing what have been besides us all this while.

blogger just want the simple wan tan mi at times. bunga raya street food is not comparable than the sydney fine dining, it is better.

uncertainty

during the past few weeks, i have been rather down. all thanks to my free time thinking. the more effort i put in thinking about my current state, the negativity element becomes too unbearable. you can say i was in the stage where i was practically getting along not really knowing what i was doing. i kept comforting myself that this is just a phase that everyone goes through. i was wrong. 

i had a chat with a friend over my current state. the advice given is apt. i need a plan. hence, i need a good sleep tonight and come out with a plan tomorrow. the future is in my hands. i should determine how it should be run instead of the other way round. 

riwayatku

"apa khabar?". begitulah bermulanya kehidupanku. saya ditanyakan khabar oleh seorang saudara yang tidak kukenali. dengan penuh perasaan tenang. aku menjawab, "baik." terasa asing sekali walhal aku tidak pernah merasai perasaan ini sama sekali di persekitaran yang kelihatan baru dan bising.tertoleh ke kiri dan ke kanan, ku menampak banyak saudara-saudari yang mempunyai mirip serupa. yang berlainan, cumalah warna. saya berwarna merah dan hitam. setahu saya, namaku amporlo.

pada minggu pertama, aku berasa seronok, mempunyai ramai sahabat setiap hari. walau bagaimanapun, terdapat juga segelintir yang dibawa pergi ke tempat lain. sahabat pertamaku, asadi menjawab, "hari kita juga akan menjelang. kita akan mempunyai tuan-tuan"

hari yang ditunggu-tunggu tiba lebih awal daripada dijangka. aku dibawa ke sebuah kedai runcit di taman bukit rambai. perasaan yang gembira bercampur sedih, meninggalkan sahabat-sahabat yang baru dikenali.
setiap hari, terdapat ramai pelanggan yang menjenguk kedai runcit. di situ, aku melihat banyak tuan mengambil abang penyapu, kakak kuali dan pak cik periuk. mereka diambil pulang untuk menjalani tanggungjawab masing masing. yang kutahu, pak cik periuk dan kakak kuali akan dimainkan di atas api yang cukup panas. terasa gerun apabila memikirkan pengalaman seketika di bawah pancaran matahari. apatah lagi bahang api.

pada suatu hari, seorang pemuda masuk ke dalam kedai. cukup jelas kulihatkan pemuda tersebut memandangku. ditanyakan wanita sebelahnya tentang kewujudanku. wanita berumur lebih kurang 50-an menunduk kepalanya. aku berasa gembira. aku akan mempunyai tuan yang baru.

dipakaikan atas kakinya, dia terus mengambil ku ke atas dan dibayarkan dengan harga ringgit sepuluh. begitulah bermula hidupku. ku kira, nasib ku dikira baik. ke mana tuan ku pergi, ku pergi. dapat juga bersiar siar di jusco, tesco, tempat pejabat besar serta kedai kedai makan. semua pengalaman pertama dingati. kurasakan nasibku lebih sempurna pak cik periuk dan kakak kuali.

semasa berjalan, ku melihat ramai sahabat lama. sempat lagi bersandiwara saudara asadi tersebut. pengalaman demi perngalaman ku timba. HSBC bank. mamak Ali Maju. tidak kurang juga GSC panggung wayang.

selepas setahun, ku rasakan bosan. tetapi, kini tuan telah membiarkan aku di dalam kereta. sebagai alas kaki ketika memandu. haihhhh... apa nak buat? saya mempunyai sahabat baru yang menggantikan tempat lama. namanya, HP. sahabat baru ini berwarna jingga dan putih kekuningan.

setiap hari, tuan akan memakai HP ke mana mana dan saya pula dipakai di dalam kereta. hari seperti inilah yang mula membuatkan saya resah. di man pula saya akan pergi jika saudara baru sampai. tertanya tanya di fikiranku. mungkin ini la yang dikatakan riwayat sepasang selipar. hanya mampu bertanya dan tidak tahu hala tuju kehidupan.

Tamat.

penulis blog ini terkenang sewaktu zaman kecil dahulu, kerap menulis karangan yang bertajukkan, "riwayatku".

lost

if all of a sudden you feel a sense of lost in direction, what do you do? i am having that a lot lately. part of me feels i need to do something about it but apart of me knows that i have not learned enough. am i being impatient. learning takes time and achievement is not built in a day. i know that. so what gives?

being in assurance is great. lots of people to meet, tonnes of things to learn and the best part: work until you don't have a sense of time. what day is it?

for me, assurance gives me a breath of fresh air but the freshness is dying down. i want to know why too. i am learning but i kept questioning does this really help in my future?

i don't know. sometimes to believe something so bluntly makes me feel lost.

random question of the day

out of curiosity, a colleague posted a question. it is very random. random till a point i think will not happen. but it is interesting nonetheless. worth pondering upon.

let say there is a non stoppable train moving very fast at an increasing speed. lay in front of the track is a fork split. in front on each side of the road has people tied to the track. either one party will die if the train moves to that side. on the left, lies 10 people and on the right lies your mum.

the question: if you hold the control far far away that you have no time to reach the destination. what would you do? the train is moving to the left without any interference.

after a while, i answered my colleague, "i think i will do nothing." i felt this is the right thing to do. first, if it is moving left already, why would i change the direction to kill my beloved one. my colleague questioned, "what about morality: it is 10 lifes vs 1 life"

i said, if i change the direction, i think i would not be able to sleep another night without thinking about what i did.

does this really make me an immoral person?

there you go. the random question of the day. he said it speaks a lot about someone from the action he would take. but to be honest, would i really do what i say? i don't know.

blogger, letting the randomness of the day lingers on his mind.

open up your sight and you shall see

during this super busy time, i was practically working around the clock. juggling between 10am to 12am job, i was a living zombie. still, occasional break is needed. for me, i require moments of comedic joke from the drama and the inspiring story of the great invention of anime. well, i need some readings on social issue as well. as part of the member of the society, i feel bad at times for not contributing much. everyone can say that they are working and this is sufficient to generate the economy and keeps it moving but really? is this what i have learned throughout my education process? i feel like a failure. or should i play the pin pointing game where the education system only churns out paper based society and the "I" interest point of view.

i won't justify my action because i ain't complete and perfect but at the very least, i have to be aware of the pressing need of some part of the society. today, i found a good article. while it is just a minor issue, it plays a important part as it shows how our lack attention to smaller things in life that causes inconvenience to those who were disadvantaged. often, we will say, it's okay la. just for a while but do we really see the real picture or it is just a simple self-interest concept being played here. you be the judge. 

http://www.loyarburok.com/2013/01/14/aku-melihat-tapi-tak-nampak/

blogger feels that everyone should be more considerate to others. 

new custom

my company had a social gathering yesterday to embrace the upcoming busy-like-hell period. initially, my thought was to go and meet some friends, eat and have a bit of chit chat before calling the day. then i decided to car pool with another colleague for the convenience of not having to turn 20 minutes just to look for the place. bad idea.

i would say the place was pretty packed. everyone was talking and i was taken aback by the noise and music. the night turned out to be okay with me drinking 3 pines of beer. i had a thought while driving back. if you were to ask me whether i would order beer for drink a year ago, i would say "no". it turns out that when i started joining the workforce, i have increasingly drunk it. it tastes okay. luckily, my alcohol tolerance is still manageable.

this new custom has made me question myself. did i lose myself by subjecting to peer pressure to drink?

i would think maybe but part of me still wants to believe that i am just a social drinker. nothing wrong. at least i drove home safe and sound. initially, the colleague i car-pooled with said he wanted to go back around 9-10pm. with the free flow of beer going, we ended up going home at 2am. great. i have a social life now.